Now that the mysterious mystery of the Toronto Mystery Tunnel has been more-or-less solved, it's time to look back at how we got here. How an underground hang out for a couple of working-class dudes, turned into an ominous tunnel of terror.
It's time, I'm saying, for a song.
(To the tune of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme, with my deepest apologies.)
Now, this is a story all about how
A hole in the ground made us cower in fear
And I’d like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I’ll tell you how a stupid tunnel brought us to here
In a town call Toronto, near in a patch of woods
Digging holes was how they spent most of their days
Chillin’ out maxing with some rosary beads
Making a cave for ‘nefarious’ deeds
A couple of guys, up to no good, started digging tunnels in the neighbourhood.
They dug one little hole, and we all got scared.
Screaming ‘They could launch a terror attack from there!’
We whistled for the cops and they called us all near
Said there ain’t no crime in what’s goin’ on here
If anything, they could say that this hole was rare.
But we thought, ‘Nah forget it, yo homes it’s terror!’
The press release dropped about seven or eight
It said to us all, ‘Yo dudes, you’re all crazy.’
We looked at their man cave, it was finally clear
For ‘personal reasons’ is why it was there.